Home » Adult jokes (page 2)

Adult jokes

Collection of maybe the funnies Adult jokes in internet.

A man walks into a library

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “do you have that book for men with small penises?”

The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”

“Yeah that’s the one”

Scarlett Johansson and some random dude survived

A shipwreck, only Scarlett Johansson and some random dude survived on an deserted island

They didnt know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was…

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him… after all, there wasnt anybody else in the island…

He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier… it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this…

One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her succesfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life.

But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed… “Whats wrong?” Scarlett Johansson asked, “Nothing…” the guy would say…

She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasnt asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him…

  • “Really?, youll do anything id like?”
  • “yes” she said “anything!”
  • “ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore”
  • “ok…”
  • “now put this shirt on please, but first, “tape” your boobs so they are flat”
  • “wha… ok, id say id do anything” she said lovingly.
  • “ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it”

she was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tuck her hair under the hat.

  • “Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache”
  • “ok… if this is what you want…” she muttered.
  • “now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach ill catch up to you in a bit” he said a bit excited…

She started walking… wondering… doubting herself… just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasnt her, maybe it was h… suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: “DUDE!!! you wont believe who ive been fucking for the past 6 months!”

So I picked up this girl the other day

So I picked up this girl the other day and she took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly. I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open. “Oh shit , it’s my boyfriend ! ” she exclaimed “Quick, use the backdoor” .

Now it’s at about this time I probably should have left but you just don’t get an offer like that every day.